An Ode to the Men I’ve Loved-2

To the color, Grey.

I called this one Grey. Firstly because he somehow reminded me of the Christian Grey character from the 50 shades trilogy. However, as time went on, he became the Grey color in my life. He became a shade in between the things I thought I was never capable of, and the things I knew I could do.

To he who shone a light in my dark days.

When I met him, I had had a rough year, I was getting over the Son of Uzochukwu, and it was a crazy process. But he, he made it all better. I laughed aloud in between our everyday chats, smiled so hard as I walked to and fro of my room, amidst our long phone calls. And oh, the nicknames. My favorite was ‘pumpkin’. It sounded beautiful every time he said it.

To the one who made me laugh.

For someone who did not laugh enough, he held a key to my laughter I was not willing to give up. In the darkest of my days, Grey would crack me up, and I would hold my stomach as I rolled over howling like a banshee. He would say words that reassured me and made me smile so hard. He was controlling, assertive, a little bit mean, but boy, was that sexy!

To the one who made me better.

Because he was an overachiever, I wanted to be like him. So I worked hard at it, I became a better writer, became a better student, I became better at everything, first, to impress him, then, to impress me. I worked really hard, I credit my current drive at anything to him. Once he said he read my Facebook posts and smiled to himself that he knew me. He was impressed with my writing, it made me write more.

To he who first showed me what unrequited love felt like.

I remember that I will hold my heart and cry so hard because I was scared it would spill out of my chest. Thankfully, it did not. I remembered the day I told him that I liked him. I had said ‘hey, I think I like you’. And he said ‘you are still thinking’. I laughed. I choose not to dwell on the pain from his end because he did not cause me pain. He was supportive through it all.

To my friend and sanity in times of chaos

I am grateful for you, I swear I am glad I fell in love with you. It taught me that, love was not enough, and was never going to be. It reminded me that there was no rule that said you must get the love you give back in return.

Dear Grey, you made me a better woman.